Desperately Seeking Purpose

I’m old, and I’m tired.  I’m got my health issues as do many people, and this is not the forum to whine about that.  Universal, affordable health care is not likely to happen in my lifetime, as there are too many powerful and monied interests who depend upon making big bucks off the broken fucked-up system that is the status quo. 

What’s got me in the dumps lately is what to do with my life.  I’m bored, bored bored bored bored.  Not to mention, bored.  And some days, despite everything I can think of, I’m just bored some more.

Have I been there, done that?  Not at all, not everything I’d like to do.  But I have some severe limitations on my choices of actionable steps, including lack of discretionary funding (due to said health issues). 

But even if I had the $$, I can’t seem to find anything that yanks my chain these days, and that’s got me concerned that I may be depressed, which is another topic for another day.   I’ve tried various volunteer positions, political activism opportunities, and even the usual fare of TV, video games, library books, Netflix, and internet.  Nothing jazzes me. 

I thought I had found a raison d’etre this last year.  I met a person whose business is going nowhere fast, but it has great potential and makes a popular product that I very much enjoy.  Recently I offered my sweat labor services (behind the scenes and free of charge) to help them grow their business, and they accepted my offer but haven’t extended any work my way.  So, nothing is happening and business remains low-key as usual.  And as their stagnant situation is obviously suitable to them, I figure I may as well give up, move along and find another pet project to apply my talents toward. 

But that puts me back at square one, searching for a purpose.  I want to DO something, be happy about something, have meaning in my life, before I leave these Earthly bonds.  “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” says if I try sometimes, I just might find, I’ll get what I need.  Maybe I just need to try harder?