Move Along, Nothing to See Here

My other title thought was, "I, sir, am no blogger".

Yeesh.  How does someone, a grown-ass woman with half a brain, not have it in her to write opinions on a regular basis?  Mebbe the entire thing hinges on that "half a brain" part.  Because for various reasons, I believe my mental capacity is diminished greatly since my retirement 5 years ago.

Some of that loss could be because you lose it if you don't use it, and I have such a huge amount of isolation that I rarely get to engage verbally with anyone these days.

It's not as if I couldn't reach out and touch someone.  Hey, I have tons of unused cell minutes every month but I'm not a big phone talker, never have been.  Ugh. I like the face to face interaction, and phone conversations are very awkward for me for some reason.

And some of my diminished capacity could be due to the constant strain (both mental and physical and emotional) of being in pain 24/7.  I have medications which I can take to alleviate the pain so again, some of the blame here is on me.  But pain meds make me sleepy and groggy and out of it...like being drunk...and I have never ever liked feeling out of control (so I hardly ever got drunk back in my drinking days).  So I sit quietly in anguish sometimes.  And other times, the pain is just burning and aching and I can tolerate it, especially if I don't try to do much more than lie in my adjustable bed most of the day.

So any spark of imagination or creativity is slowly leaking out of my very being on a day-to-day basis.  I have good days and bad days the same as anyone else but I'm likely just hanging in here, waiting to shuffle off this mortal coil.  And for an atheist, there's no joy to be found in that prospect.

At any rate, I tell myself every day that I should write something.  It's not as if I don't have opinions to share.  I just don't get it done.

So if you were hoping for a robust set of outbursts from me, I am sorry to disappoint you.  I believe I have morphed into a mostly reactive state of being, with very little proactive initiative left.  And good blogging takes a concerted effort, and energy I no longer seem to have.  It takes focus and intention.

That doesn't mean I'll stop writing here.  Occasionally I have to, I don't have a choice in the matter as I'm a narcissist who desires to spew my sparkling glitterbombs onto a wide audience and hope for accolades and adoration remains in my system.  Think of me as #45, fake bombing Syria and hoping for applause.  That'll be fairly close to explaining why this blog stays active.